I've never been one for manifestos.  I dislike statements of intent.  First posts.  Yech.

So we'll call it an introduction.

My cutesy internet name is Effing Controller.  I haven't always gone by that.  To my knowledge, my mother never called me that, and if she did, I'd feel really bad that I exerted that much influence over her life.  The name came up as a running gag between me and my college roommates.  Didn't block that hadouken in time?  Fucking controller.  Can't wall-jump in Super Metroid?  Fucking controller.  Did you make an atrocious batch of homemade General Tso's chicken?  Fucking controller.  And so on.  I've omitted "fuck" from my name because that's way too street for me.  I'll never argue that I'm a man with delicate sensibilities.  It's just that, to have so vigorous and tingly a word as "fuck" in my very own name... well, I just don't think I could live up to the expectations that people have in mind for a person who goes by "Fucking" anything.

This is a lot of drivel already.  Allow me a chance to explain before you return to your pornography.  Not many years ago, I used to write fluidly, even copiously, in a manner not unlike some kind of lanced abscess, the cheesy discharge that was my writing oozing its way onto assorted blogs, notebook pages, IM windows, and elementary school chalkboards.  There are reasons that I'm no longer leaking words, reasons which I will broadly term "life."  The past five years or so have felt blurry, giddy, and sad.  Maybe I'll talk about that.  Maybe not.

The point is that these assorted events have somehow led me to stop writing.  I'd like to change that.  Since I stopped, I've felt dull and unlike myself.  That sucks ass.  I'd like to write and see if it makes me better off.

One thing that's kept me from doing this is that I think blogging can be a crystallization of everything I hate about the Internet, and, in turn, society at large.  I'm of the opinion that no one should feel entitled to my opinion; I don't think that having everyone broadcast their opinions amounts to much more than alienating noise, no matter what people say about the liberalizing qualities of new media and Web 2.0.  That shit is marketing and is meaningless.  Noise is noise, no matter the medium, no matter the branding.  Obviously, it's tough to blog if you think that you, as a blogger, are contributing to some kind of technological conspiracy connived to alienate people.  It's also tough to blog if you're that paranoid.

Armchair psychoanalysis aside, I really can't help but think that it's a hugely self-indulgent enterprise.  What decent person wakes up and decides that they should tell everyone how they feel about "Turner and Hooch," Optimus Prime, fisting, crawfish étouffé, and/or quilt basting?  In the immensity of history, the Internet is still new, and we're still trying to cope with it.  I'd prefer that some future digital archaeologist comes across my blog and says "according to my calculations, this blog is above the median Internet Asininity Quotient and thus was not a factor in the techno-nuclear plague of 2034."

That's probably far too much to ask because the things that interest me are colossal wastes of time.  I am a boring man with a job that's interesting but which I refuse to write about.  It's excruciating to read people's blog posts about their office.  Such posts tend to be all bitchy and telling secrets without a frame of reference to guide us as to whether or not what we're reading is somehow important.  Hugely annoying.  Not going to do it.  If you catch me, give me the Inquisition treatment.

In my time outside of the office, I enjoy the outdoors.  I cook and bake to feed myself, sometimes with something resembling acumen.  Often, I find myself lost in thought while doing mundane tasks, wondering about the world, about people, the universe, and whether I can concoct a cripplingly funny fart joke that will win me millions.  These are my daydreams.

However, most of my focus will be on gaming.  My father affectionately called me a "vidiot" growing up.  My generation started off plugged in, then we went wireless, and now we're in the cloud.  I don't like some aspects of this, though I do embrace others gleefully.  Gaming is one of those things, usually.  I used to enjoy it a lot more than I do now; not sure why that stopped.  Well, I've got ideas, but in addition to wanting to like writing more, I'd like to have more fun with the games that I play.

Consequently, I've also taken on an odd hobby, which I think puts me in the aforementioned "Turner & Hooch" crowd.  I've just recently started doing "Let's Plays."  Essentially, I record myself playing a video game and I include my commentary as I do so.  It's like Mystery Science Theater 3000, but nerdier and not funny.  Despite my reservations about worthy uses of my time, I'm really enjoying this little diversion, and it will probably figure into my writing here (though I hope in a more thoughtful way than just advertising whenever I put a video out).

I think that covers most of the caveats and proposals I had in mind.  You've been warned.  Thanks for bearing with me.